We are so back.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Hello everyone and welcome to the Love Onyx Show. Our very first show. Our very, very first show. Yes, Queen. Now, you may have heard me on a different show before, you know, being 100, if one can say all the time on that. This show is a little bit different. This one is a little bit geared more as to what's a base I want to create. Not just for myself, but you know, for my friends, for my special guests, and anybody that I think would be interesting for you guys to hear from. Love. Now the Love Onyx show has been a good, good transition for me from where I was before. This space is a little bit safer, meaning you can say whatever you want. And really there's no judgment. Or shouldn't be. We're not judging. Remember, we do not judge. We listen and we do not judge. So just remember that that's what we're doing on the show. Okay. But you know, we have you're hearing another voice, and that's my special guest on this first, very first, first, first show. Joe. Yes, Queen. It is amazing to see you. And it is amazing, too, that you're the first, first, first one on this. I think it's very full circle. You know, we started a journey together not too long ago that was kind of mutually different, but still similar in different ways. And I think we've just come a long way with that.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

We have. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 1:46

What are your takeaways from so far where we've been?

SPEAKER_02 1:51

It's been crazy because I feel like, and I've told you this multiple times. I feel like we may be experiencing different things, but the same. I tell you something, and you're like, okay, this feeling. And I'm like, yes. So I'm just excited to be here, to be the first guest.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

Well, yeah, I mean, listen, it's been a long time coming. How many years have I been talking about kind of coming back to this as like a route for me? Yeah, at least maybe seven, I want to say. At least seven or six or it's been more than five years, and I think we can say that. It's been a lot of conversations, it's been a lot of back and forth, and it just is so funny because I don't know if we ever really kinda started formally to complete it, but I think this time around, you know, I sat down and I said, it's time.

SPEAKER_02 2:58

It's real. We've had ideas, we've talked about doing that, doing this, you know. Oh my god, the things that we've talked about. Yes, it's been a process.

SPEAKER_01 3:08

You know, uh, well, as you know, it's girls, me, cute little old me, just bringing this space open and kind of just starting this afresh for us. And I think it's gonna be a different type of show. You know, is there chaos? Absolutely there's chaos. Do you know me? Jesus Christ. There's chaos all the time. I mean, my life alone. I think you got a good indication earlier as to what my life was when I had a whole situation from someone trying to ask me something, from you to ask me something, and then someone at work asking me something.

SPEAKER_02 3:50

Honey struggle buzz.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

And I was like, welcome to my life where three people need something at the same time. And who goes first? Who doesn't get offended? And you were like, of course you would have chosen the easy one first.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

I'm like, duh, right. Like, why, why does listen, I still responded within five minutes.

SPEAKER_01 4:12

Okay, like give a girl some slack. We we we were we were getting there.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

Yes, yes, you were, yes, you were.

SPEAKER_01 4:20

But anyway, you know, to all you guys listening out there, from wherever you're listening to, for I'm sorry, wherever you're listening from, like, you know, I'm this excited. Um from wherever you're listening from, just know that me, Nurls, and you know, a new friend, Joe, is always here to create a safe space for you where you can ask questions and you know, give us, you know, feedback and all of that. If your feedback applies, we will listen. Don't come at us with crazy stuff, okay? Because we're not gonna be doing ASMR on this. Maybe once in a while you'll hear a little, you know, some of this. And that's okay. And that's okay. So we're not gonna formally title it what it is. So just go with the flow, guys. Because we are. Because we are, right? But super excited to get started. Now, this is one, this is the first time that I get to say this on the Love Onyx show. Step into my kaleidoscope. Step into my kaleidoscope.

SPEAKER_02 5:28

Am I ready to take this journey with you? Are we we're doing this?

SPEAKER_01 5:31

Listen, this is a journey that we're taking together. So step into my kaleidoscope. It's giving 100% come down the little bright path of beautiful colors. You know I love being a fairy so fucking much. I just love the ethereal world world more than anything. Yeah. This, you know, I want to know what's going on with you. This is your time. I want to catch up on catch up with you, and you know, tell us what's been going on with you in your life, what has changed, what has shifted. You know, we're here to listen to you. So go on, sis. What's going on? What's new, please?

SPEAKER_02 6:10

Okay, major, major, major for me. You know, as you know, I just everybody get ready.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

This is fucking major.

SPEAKER_02 6:18

Yes. I mean, biggest news in a fucking wild. This is this is, you know, I just completed my master's. I got my MBA. I joined the illustrious 8%. You know what that means? Excuse me. A female as a Latina, I this was a goal that I, you know, it I was thinking about it for a while, and I honestly wasn't gonna be happy until I did it, until I completed this. That's incredible.

SPEAKER_01 6:47

You know, I've been uh I've been on the receiving end of your text messages where you're basically ready to commit suicide in the bathtub.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Because it's just it's it's so crazy, you know. Maybe it might have been easier if I was younger, if I had done it, maybe like right after, you know, I wouldn't have had to deal with so much, you know. But when you do it when you're older, not only do you have to work, you have to do other stuff that you're responsible for, and that can't wait. You're an adult. Like if you don't do it, it doesn't get done.

SPEAKER_01 7:17

You know, you know, that's such a Virgo thing to say. Really? But you know, the Capricorn in me sees you, Virgo, because we're both our both of our Capricorns are in moon.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 7:31

Yes, sorry. You just so y'all know, I was taking a hit. Anyway, it got you. You you have Capricorn in your moon, my moon is in Capricorn. Yeah, so I mean, I just knew you were gonna get it done because it just how the stars are aligned for you when it comes to that. You're so organized. It's in when I tell you that this girl can organize, she can fucking organize. I don't understand it. I just wish I could have that in my life. Like I'm pretty organized as in my way, yeah. Right? Chaotic, chaotic, and yeah, organized and neat. But Jesus, when you take it into that level, I'm like, oh my God, it's like broken down. All you have to do is just say, I follow.

SPEAKER_02 8:21

You know what? And I love to hear that because I I I love that. I love that about me.

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Well, it's that leadership thing in you that's always been in you, that's never gonna change, you know, which leads me to say, I knew you were gonna get once you said yes to it, because you've kind of been back and forth with it.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

I was second guessing myself, and that's what it comes down to. Why?

SPEAKER_01 8:40

Why second guess yourself?

SPEAKER_02 8:42

Because I feel like maybe it's my inner saboteur, you know, and you expect a lot of things to go wrong, you expect to face challenges and you don't expect it to be easy, and it wasn't, you know, but but do I expect my whole life to be a catastrophe?

SPEAKER_01 8:58

Absolutely every morning. That's why I don't give it a fucking shot.

SPEAKER_02 9:04

But but it's true, you know, and I feel like I'm not alone in this. I feel like you know, uh why why can't we just work or accept okay, it's gonna be okay, it's gonna work out. Well, it is gonna be okay. But without challenges, though, why do we think that it's gonna everything's gonna fall apart and then it's gonna work out?

SPEAKER_01 9:30

Well, we love human beings love an adrenaline rush. That's 100%. If you go, if you look at something and if it doesn't scare the fuck out of you, you know it's not worth doing it. That's just how that's just in our nature. In our primitive species, we know that there's danger ahead. And there's two reactions you either cut and run or you face it and try to see what it is, you know? True. Not many trailblaze, not many do, you know. And to sit here and say, I'm part of the eight percent that is till trailblazing this shit, yeah. That's fucking amazing.

SPEAKER_02 10:06

I had to be part of that group. Okay. I had to part like I had to be a part of that group. I don't feel like I have to be part of that group.

SPEAKER_01 10:13

I will sit with my bachelors and I'm fine. Um, but you know, that's not to say that maybe I won't return to my master's program, but I won't, I don't know. Like, I maybe, maybe. Never say never is a true, true thing for me.

SPEAKER_02 10:29

But you know what? It wasn't just for me though. Like, I'm also thinking about my family, specif like specifically my nieces, you know, my nephew. Like, I'm like, okay, you can do this if that's what you want to do. Right. Because I talk to my sisters, and yeah, you know, that yeah, being supportive is important. That it's a big thing. Support me, goddammit. You know, I mean being who I am, you know, gonna do the best that I can to help you see it through, help you sort through it, what I need help with, you know, because I do want to ensure your success.

SPEAKER_01 11:02

And how do you feel that that support has played as an amount into what you got going in that aspect? Like, all right, you know, just follow me here. Okay. Okay. You put the first foot in front of the other, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Kind of similar to what I'm doing right now. Putting my first foot in front of the other. There's a temporary space of blindness in that beginning part where you have to really fucking trust yourself so that you don't stop and say, okay, if I stop for more than 10 seconds, I'm gonna convince myself to not do it and I'm gonna fail.

SPEAKER_02 11:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:47

So you have that block.

SPEAKER_02 11:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:49

And that could feel like an eternity, right?

SPEAKER_02 11:52

Fucking yes.

SPEAKER_01 11:54

That can feel like an eternity. And that's usually at the beginning. Listen, it's why workouts don't work sometimes. It's why, you know, those the diet doesn't work sometimes. It's why, you know, certain things just don't work, right? Because it just feels so overwhelming in that block of time. In that block of time that you had, what the fuck did you have to pull out of your bag?

SPEAKER_02 12:16

Because I'm just too grown for this. This had to happen one way or another. Didn't matter how it didn't matter when, you know, because obviously at this point I'm older, you know, I'm gonna be 37 this year. So I'm like, okay, Gore, what are you waiting for? Time is gonna pass by regardless. So if you're gonna do it, do it now.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Everybody your age.

SPEAKER_02 12:33

Well, you know, I don't look, I don't look at though. Everybody, everybody tells me, you know.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

But do I look like I'm 40, turning 41 in the five minutes? But you know what? You know, actually, on the launch of this, on the launch of this podcast, I'd be 41. So do I look like I'm 41?

SPEAKER_02 12:50

No.

SPEAKER_01 12:51

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

You look older, but you know what? We're not gonna talk about that right now.

SPEAKER_01 12:56

Oh, you dating. Oh girl. Hate is real. No, you know, that's my sister on shade. You know, because that's gonna push me to go harder, and she knows that. But you know what? On the playlist that says the wise woman once told me that's my sis. She's not like, I know you're not a bitch. You can actually fucking see this through. You're gonna work it out. Fine.

SPEAKER_02 13:23

Because I feel you respond to that. At the end of the at the end of the day, it's it comes down to that too, sometimes, and that's why I do it. You don't know what our response is. Girl, you know what? Our relationship does not agree, okay? No. I know it's not, you know, okay, listen.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

Do I have to stop playing myself? I think everybody who's listening, you know, with us, yeah, listening to you, listening to me, you know that there's certain parts of yourself that you're just gonna have to be. Gotta have to be, okay, girl. That you're just going to have to be low-key a bitch to yourself and say, what the fuck are you gonna do about it?

SPEAKER_02 14:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:09

I don't think it's I don't think it's terrible to you know, shake yourself and say, it's time to figure something else out. Yeah. Because this shit is not working, right? And sorry for all the cussing, by the way. But this is what happens over here. It just means we're safe, honest. We listen and we don't judge.

SPEAKER_02 14:30

No, we don't, no, we don't, no, we don't.

SPEAKER_01 14:34

And I mean that.

SPEAKER_02 14:35

But if you cuss more, it's it means that you're more honest.

SPEAKER_01 14:37

So I welcome I mean I have a sailor mouth. I cuss all the time. It's almost like a sport at this point, but anyway.

SPEAKER_02 14:46

I'm a lady, I don't.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

And just so y'all know, I was with my mouth open, twisted face, gagged. Like, what? Girl, please. Anywho. Anywho, you know, to pull all those things out for yourself to kind of move forward and move in its place, it is the most difficult thing. And a peak interest of me has been lately is to really check myself in that moment. What are you doing? Yeah, you know, processing emotion in real in real time. I'm processing thought in real time. So I have to kind of shake myself like, what are you doing? Yeah, are you doing what is best for you? And if it takes five minutes for me to do that, I have to take them. Yeah, because I don't know if I'm gonna get to that place where I can make a decision to continue to go if I don't take time to put in kind of that gas in yourself. Yeah, because you know, I'm sure you can agree with this. If nobody put that gas in there, because you know, you were kind of have to make in these first steps on your own blindly, you had to put that fucking gas in there. Yeah, like you relying on you, yeah, and that's it. So that's the part where I'm trying to, you know, really continue to push more, not just for myself, but for others. Like, ask yourself why you're doing it and just move forward. Yeah, but you know, thank you for sharing how you where you've been at recently. You know, for me and my aspects of where I've been at, I've just been working and you know this. I have no life, I work, gym, and you know, speak to gent a sir occasionally. Yes, I can agree. Whenever, whenever there's time, we we you know, we take the company of a certain individual. A certain individual, gentle sir. Name starts with a J. Gentle sir, gentle sir. Um he's sweet and he's kind, and and and I love that. So it just you know, I've just kind of been seeing where it goes. Yeah, as you should. You know, interesting moments have happened, interesting things have happened very recently, but I think, you know, I'm trusting my faith that whatever it is that it is, it it'll be, and we'll see where it goes. So, you know, I want nothing more than anything for him to be safe and be loved and be, you know, appreciated because he is a very special, special kind of guy. So I think when you're real, you do want to really has been opening up to the idea of love. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:38

All kinds of opening up. No, not like that. Gotcha! Wow, wow, gotcha. Wow.

SPEAKER_01 17:51

Um, no, I'm definitely opening up to the idea of being, you know, more in tune with that aspect of my life. You know, I've really pushed myself to get my body under control, and that's been doing well. Yeah. As it stands right now, it's 206 pounds, baby. What from 256? We've lost some weight for sure.

SPEAKER_02 18:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:17

I'm trying to get the butt to just look great.

SPEAKER_02 18:20

Is coming along? It's coming along. Is it though? Yeah, I think so. I'm not gonna lie to you. So you know I'm not gonna lie to you.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

What I'm saying is you've been checking my ass out.

SPEAKER_02 18:30

Walk is your only like walking around in your underwear for Coachella weekend, right? What? And then girl.

SPEAKER_01 18:38

Well, I was walking around in my underwear because it was in the comfort of my own home, Joe.

SPEAKER_02 18:44

But you asked me, and I looked, obviously. But yes, you look great.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

Well, I'm doing my best. Yeah, but that's kind of where where I've been. I've just been so focused and so determined. I've been in and out of the space with this podcast, trying to get it, you know, put together and really have a good flow. Um, I think I've annoyed everybody with that word for like the past couple of months.

SPEAKER_02 19:08

I think this one is No, I wouldn't say annoyed. I feel like if anything, it's more like we're just trying to help you out and help you. Because you're struggling and you don't know what to do. Because we love you and you're we're here for you. You're gonna do that for people that you love, care for. I know, I know. Because you're particular, you have your process, you have to see it through the way you see it through. So that's why you know, the sometimes all we can do is listen, right?

SPEAKER_01 19:34

Well, of course. I know nobody can do what I can, baby. Okay, girl, you know what? Nobody can do what I can do. No, but that's no, I'm not trying to be conceited. I just know that my creative process is unlike anything anybody has ever heard in their life, you know? Yeah, ooh, ASMR moment. Ooh. Did that feel good? Did that feel good, guys? You let me know.

SPEAKER_02 20:01

Did it sound good in the comments? Let us know.

SPEAKER_01 20:06

No, anyway, listen, we're in the definitely in the chaos corner. You know, we we've kind of already started that, but just wanted to let you guys know that chaos corner is where we have our conversation where it's completely unhinged, but we're talking about stuff that I think there is stuff in the mess, right? There's chaos, but there is things in the chaos. There's things to learn, there's things to look at, there's shadow parts of ourselves where it's like this is what I try to avoid every day. Yeah, this is the place where you can actually talk about it, and there's no judgment here. Again, reiterating, we listen and we do not judge. When you know who you are, you know who you are.

SPEAKER_02 20:48

They're smiling, they're giggling right now.

SPEAKER_01 20:50

I know, they're gonna be like, Why are you calling? They know, they know, they know we know you judge, we listen, and we judge you for judging. But we love it, but we love it, you know. Chaos corner, but that's the that's the aspect that where you know to circle back, you know, it is a little chaotic, but there's stuff in there where you listen and learn and see, and the shadow parts start to come more alive, and you know, the mask it doesn't fit anymore. You know, you have to see it. And there's nothing wrong with that. I don't want anybody to feel like scared that they have to do that. I think that's an it's so empowering to look at it from an aspect of all right, let me look at my mess, right? To see what I gotta clean up. Yeah. It doesn't have to be something big or huge. I think it can be something that, you know, we've made light of or we've made a joke of in the past, but we know how we feel about it, right? It's the time to really look at Something that just makes you feel like, okay, all right, I gotta look at this. So I'll start off with saying, for me, it's been my love life. It's just something that I've been looking into. I know the mistakes that I've made in the past. They've been expensive. They've been they've been chaotic. They've been insane. I just I love love, but I was so scared of love that I had to shut it down for a long time. Yeah. And you know, being single for three and a half years, you know, was very interesting. Yeah. I did not know I can close myself off for that much, you know.

SPEAKER_02 22:49

My protection.

SPEAKER_01 22:51

Yeah. Well, I mean, in my previous relationship, I want to say there was definitely good and bad times. I don't want to say that there was more bad times than good. I think that there was more of an understanding that there is much better room and space separately than there is together. You know, and I think we both realized that, which was fine. You know, I don't think anybody should feel like things have to go catastrophic for them to end. I think things can end on a peak if you feel like this is where it is, and that's it. It's not the usual way, you know, people usually kind of keep the fight going and and that's fine, you know, to each their own. But for both of us, I think we understood that it was better to have space to grow into ourselves first before we continue to grow together. And in growing in our spaces first, we just grew apart. And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. In fact, I think it's a good realization to see where exactly, you know, you're going to be, you know, in that space that you're created for yourself. I think we can be better people to each other when we take the time to grow ourselves first. But I don't think people realize that too often. And, you know, obviously there is the whole thing like if you're in a relationship, you're in a partnership, or you know, you're in a marriage and all that, kids are involved and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 24:37

I like saying situation, situationship.

SPEAKER_01 24:40

That's so messy. A whole different generation than mine. That sounds like a whole different generation than mine.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

I'm sorry that I'm hip. And I know what's happening.

SPEAKER_01 24:56

Well, okay, I'm not hip and I don't know what's happening. I have people asking me things where I'm like, I don't know what you mean.

SPEAKER_02 25:06

I need subtitles. I need translate.

SPEAKER_01 25:10

I need a translator and somebody to make me understand. I feel old. I do. In those moments, I do feel old, which is kind of scary because it's just like, is this who I'm gonna be? Is this my life? Am I gonna be that person that's just like, can you please say that one more time but slower?

SPEAKER_02 25:28

Dumb it down for me, please.

SPEAKER_01 25:30

Oh my god. Funny, gagworthy moment. Okay. All right. Now what? You're already laughing.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

I just said it was funny.

SPEAKER_01 25:46

No, because it's just like, what is this bitch gonna say next? Isn't that what anybody in my life is wondering? What is Nerly gonna say next? Is he gonna say something unhinged, off the rails, completely out of left field? Absolutely. Why? Because I'm a Gemini and I love it.

SPEAKER_02 26:08

You bet your ass. He's gonna say something crazy.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

You know, and I don't think you know this story. I'm ready for the tea. Well, because this is this is okay, a while back, a long, long while back. A while back. I don't remember how long ago. Okay. But the reason why I'm thinking about this is because we were talking about people like kind of releasing their inhibitions, right? Yes. So somebody hit me up and they wanted to do the things, right? Okay, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 26:44

Things, okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:46

Things. They wanted to do the things. Okay. I was just entertaining the conversation because I just wanted to see where it was gonna go. Yeah. So it turns out that this person, you know, is married. He's a criminal defense attorney.

SPEAKER_02 27:01

Okay.

unknown 27:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:03

Okay, intrigued. Tell me more.

SPEAKER_01 27:06

Of course. It's what everybody says when I start saying these stories. Okay, he's married. All right, got how I don't know. Was there kids involved? I don't know if he had kids. He was part of a country club, though. Out here in um, out here in Plazencha. Okay. He's a golfer, which is weird, but okay. Yeah. Not that the sport is weird. Okay, don't see again. Here we go with the judging. I can already hear people already saying, Well, wait, what's wrong with golfers? Nothing. There's nothing wrong with golfers. It's just for the moral of the story, just follow me. You'll see when we'll go back to this. Okay. He's part of a country club, and he is, he has, you know, these things that he likes. And anyway, we started talking. We were just talking and talking and talking, and you know, I got to find out about him, and I feel like he kind of likes having that whole experience of being able to talk to someone, like maybe a boyfriend or like a partner.

SPEAKER_02 28:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:21

But it's just verbatim. Do you want to verbatim? What he told me was is that he doesn't like women that are too bossy.

SPEAKER_02 28:33

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 28:34

And I was like, that's a huge red flag, nearly. Right. Right? Yes. I So Narly decided to be like, oh, let's see what other flags we can find. So at this point, see, this is the thing. I'm engaged. Once you start doing red flag behavior, yeah, the script flips on me. Like I'm like, oh, okay, now it's a game.

SPEAKER_02 28:59

Yes. I was gonna say it.

SPEAKER_01 29:01

So, you know, formally, I would like to receive a thank you collectively from everyone from doing this type of investigating because at this point, this is field research. So, anyway, of course, this man is a down low man. He doesn't, you know, want his wife to know that he's talking to a whole dude whose dick he wants to suck. The whole thing wants me to fucking skull fuck him, come in his mouth, the whole shit. And I'm just like, wow. A criminal defense attorney is giving me these types of requests. So I'm like, holy shit, this is insane. So I'm like, let's go further. What does he do? But I'm like, why? Yeah. What else does he like? So it's just again, it's just a game at this point. It's nothing serious. Like, I'm never gonna see him. Right. You know, I at some point I believed like I was, but then it was just like, no, this is cringe. Yeah. But anyway, he wanted me to urinate on him in the shower.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

At first, I was like, okay, well, I don't necessarily want to get urinated on.

SPEAKER_01 30:26

You know, that's that's not my vibe. Right, I don't want that.

SPEAKER_02 30:30

But if that's what you want, yeah, because you're doing it, it's not being done to you.

SPEAKER_01 30:37

Right? Mind you, was he good looking? He's actually a good-looking man. He was. So I was like, okay, well, you know, I kind of want to see what's going on. Yeah. We didn't do it, obviously, because I was just like, this is weird. I eventually came to the realization that it was weird.

SPEAKER_02 30:54

I like you say eventually.

SPEAKER_01 30:56

Eventually. Listen, at this point, I was playing the game to win. I don't know what I was gonna win, but I was playing the game to win. That was just what's going on.

SPEAKER_02 31:04

You were intrigued, so you wanted to know, you were you wanted to try and understand, like what it's how, why?

SPEAKER_01 31:10

Well, then it got specific because then he's all like, I want the morning urine on me. When after like you've had some coffee, and I'm like, like, do you want me to bottle it and like give it to you? You mean? Because I feel like at this point I need to charge a certain fee. Yeah, this feels like a because now it's gonna be wear and tear on my body.

SPEAKER_02 31:32

Wear and tear on my body.

SPEAKER_01 31:36

Come on. I mean, was I gonna do it? No, obviously not. It was just a game, but it it just was so simple and so interesting. Like, why doesn't he get these in a bit? Like, if this is what you're into, yeah, why not step into that shadow part of yourself? You know, like why are you denying yourself the things that you want? Like, why wouldn't you want to find a partner that gives you everything that you want and not settle for the things that you've always wanted?

SPEAKER_02 32:04

But you just said it settling. They settled.

SPEAKER_01 32:08

But why? Like, why is like we know the action, we know that we're doing it, but why? If it's something that's bigger than what it is and that's why you're settling, well, then are you truly settling or are you just empowering yourself through it? I don't know. It's maybe how you look at it, right? That's a good question. Uh, because if you know that this is worth it for me to settle, then it's not settling. Now you're just empowering yourself to adapt to the situation or the environment. It's like you know you don't like beaches, but you go to the beach because everybody wants to go to the beach, but you're actually having fun. So, okay, I'll stay at the beach.

SPEAKER_02 32:51

Yes, I get it.

SPEAKER_01 32:53

It's the same thing, but with more commitment and on a grander scale, right?

SPEAKER_02 32:57

Yeah, agreed.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 33:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

So that's kind of where you know those gems come from. So sorry for the long, vulgar story, but and I have plenty of those, you know.

SPEAKER_02 33:14

Wait, wait, I'm sorry, but you didn't explain the golfing.

SPEAKER_01 33:17

How does that oh so anyway, it just is so crazy that a person that wants all of that is just at a tee off with clients later. It's just wow. Truly, you don't know people. No, no, truly, you don't know people at all. And so I guess that was just it. It's just that we really truly don't know. But you know, I think it's also nice to go ahead and empower yourself and live in that aspect and to shift, shift your perspective. Yeah, if you want to do something like that, no, I don't think people should be hurt, obviously.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

I think that people should be, you know, I think it should be perceived and understood that how can we step into that space and really look at ourselves?

SPEAKER_01 34:21

You know, lock ourselves in a four-dimensional mirror, you know, that just literally all you're seeing is yourself. If you want to see yourself, you know, in a negative space, obviously you will do that. If you want to see yourself in a positive space, obviously you'll do that as well. It doesn't go without saying that it's gonna be difficult. I think we all know that.

SPEAKER_03 34:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 34:45

But are you worth it to yourself to put make it a little uncomfortable for yourself to really maybe pull something out of the root and say, I don't have to deal with this anymore?

SPEAKER_00 34:56

That's a question that maybe, you know, would it would it be worth it? I don't know, you decide. Let us know. Are you worth it? I'm worth it.

SPEAKER_02 35:12

Hell yeah, I'm worth it too.

SPEAKER_01 35:13

I'm worth it. Yes, it's struggle bustle mania over here, but I'm worth it. I'm worth it. Things are things are shifting, things are changing, and I think that the world is one of those things where I don't know if we can truly understand its full capacity that's coming at us.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

I don't think so.

SPEAKER_01 35:43

But I think what we can understand is that you're given stuff, whatever your stuff is. I don't know, whatever you're good at. Yeah, whatever you're good at. I'm good at running my mouth and entertaining people at some point that you know, at least you take you take a load off. You can sit down, have a laugh, smoke a little bit of, you know, thing, and chill out and really kind of just be able to have a conversation with no boundaries.

SPEAKER_02 36:14

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:14

You know, no judgment.

SPEAKER_00 36:17

It's fine.

SPEAKER_01 36:19

My house is like a little safe haven for the little ferals in the world that just, you know, it's it's a lot of it's a lot of stuff that we have to put out and not enough to put in. And I think in those aspects, we understand and we learn how we go through that together with the chosen family that we have, or friends, or family, you know, whatever it is.

SPEAKER_03 36:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 36:49

At the end of the day, those things, yes, are wonderful and support is great, but at the end of the day, you have to do the first part yourself.

SPEAKER_02 36:58

I agree.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

You have to look at it and say, This is not what I want. And you have to take the first step. And those that love you, those that love you, will automatically see that change in you, and then start to see how they support you in it. And those that just don't understand will find every reason and every excuse for you to look like the bad person or whatever, and that's not gonna change. That's gonna be their care because that's how they approach you. They're used to your craziness or whatever it was that you were before, and they're not used to seeing you as to who you are, and that has to change. But if they're not ready to receive you where you are at, yeah, or your support some of your supporters that have been there are not ready to receive you where you're at, does that mean you stop changing? No shouldn't. I can understand if you feel like it has to, but I'm telling you it should not. I agree. I'm telling you it should not. I agree, but sorry for the downer of a moment. Sorry for the downer of a moment, but you know, that's I guess.

SPEAKER_02 38:24

That was beautiful. That was beautiful.

SPEAKER_01 38:26

Well, I guess that'll lead us into, you know, our crystal vision portion of this. You know, that's the segment.

SPEAKER_02 38:33

Ah, good thing. Okay, so let's let's let's come let's come back up.

SPEAKER_01 38:37

Let's you know, this is where we lead into, you know, I like this segment. I like to call it What's Your Crystal Vision? You know, named after my my Gemini sister, my Gemini mother, Miss Stevie Nix. We love you here on this podcast, girl. We love you here on the show, we love you here on the show so much. Rihanna Live eight down the house cannot uh every time just cry tears instantly. Anyway, I want to say that for me, you know, because crystal vision is supposed to be like, what do you want to walk away with? What is what is your what is your clarity? What is what is your peace of mind as you walk off on this? You know, I want to say that for me, the biggest thing that's been of clarity is especially in this moment, is understanding that although things don't go the way that you're expecting them, they're still going. So adaptability is key as best as you can, but it's not for the weak girl. At all. That's not for the weak. It's definitely something that it's a sharpened skill, it's a sharpened tool. How you work on it is by being real with yourself and being real with what the situation is. Yeah, you know, listen, there's no there's no there's no wrong choices, just outcomes, you know. If you know that this outcome is gonna give you more distress down the road, then that's a choice, you know. But if you're willing to put in the work, who knows what you're gonna get on the other side of that. I approach some of the stuff in my life that way. Some of the stuff in my life, I just yeah, I see some flags, yeah. I see some things, yeah. But I also want to see what's at the end of this. I'm a naturally curious person. You are I'm a naturally curious person, but I'm also naturally rational. I will rationalize. How far down the well am I before I rationalize? TVD.

SPEAKER_02 40:57

That's the problem in itself, but yes, you do you do rationalize?

SPEAKER_01 41:02

It's for science. So the sacrifice is worth it. Listen, that's that is how you justify it. That is how the stories come after, and they aren't kind of fucking crazy, but there are kind of some you know, again, realizations of like, wow, I didn't know I could do that, or I don't know that I can even have the capacity to to stretch my mind that much. Oh but what do you think? What's your aha moment? What are you walking away with?

SPEAKER_02 41:38

For me, it's I was here and side note that's kind of like a reference to Beyonce. I love that song, it means so much, but ultimately you choose how you present yourself, you choose how you show up, and it kind of connects to changing, evolving. I do welcome change, whether more often than not, it's difficult, it's hard. But there's a point to it. There it helps your purpose, it helps you evolve, it helps you get better, you know. But I think ultimately we have to be honest about that because without honesty, you can't accept I need to do this. You can't make the realization that it needs to happen. You know, it I think for me it it's all connected. You know, it starts with truth, being honest, transparency with yourself because you have yourself first and foremost, before you can have anyone else. You have to have yourself, you know, and then decide how you want to navigate, how you want to move, you know, when you make those choices, when you are in those dilemmas, you know, how are you gonna move?

SPEAKER_01 42:59

Well, not that it's gonna apply to everybody, but how do you know all right, I fucking got this? Like what what is a good indicator for you? Like what's a sign you shouldn't miss?

SPEAKER_02 43:13

I feel like when you feel scared, a good scared, like when it's scary for you, you have to do it. And this comes back to something that we said at the beginning of the show. Yeah, you know, if it doesn't scare you, does it make you feel that feeling?

SPEAKER_01 43:28

I'm terrified right now.

SPEAKER_02 43:30

Me too. Me too.

SPEAKER_01 43:32

We will hold each other in this terrifiedness.

SPEAKER_02 43:36

I mean, this isn't easy, but you know what we want to do, like what you know, yeah. The point of this is bigger than that feeling.

SPEAKER_01 43:46

I think where I I I know and it applies most is that when things just feel normal, it feels normal. Right. Obviously, you know the situation that I'm going through. With you know my things. All of them. Yeah, all of them. She knows all the secrets.

SPEAKER_02 44:10

Wait, what were you saying earlier? I know where the bodies are buried.

SPEAKER_01 44:15

In the backyard. We love you, Madonna and Sabrina. But and we can't sing in any more of that because I don't want to pay any money. No, seriously. On this kind of like last thing, because you know we're coming to a close, and it's it's it's so amazing because I feel like we we it's so celebratory, we did so much, and it's so good. I want to say that to round off, there is this go forward push and go forward motion with a lot of things in my life, but there is some things that are stalling, and you know them. Like I've talked to you about them. Yeah, but in this moment, what I want to say how I feel is divine timing is definitely stepping in. I'm not in full control, and you know how I love that. You know how much I love that position of not having any control in my life. But it is it is humbling, and it is very intriguing to understand how that's playing out in my life. Hi, mama. That little meow is my little my little daughter. She's so cute. She's always likes to be held and touched, and she definitely wants to let everybody know she's around.

SPEAKER_02 45:43

Anyway, she loves me.

SPEAKER_01 45:47

This is not about you.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Oh, but it is, darling.

SPEAKER_01 45:52

Yes, you are special guest, air quotes. I'm kidding. You know, we love you, but anyway, you know, I I know that there's divine timing that's stepping in and definitely kind of doing what it's doing so that I can adapt. You know, favorite word, out of control and adapt, you know, just love it. Satchoas down, but is basically what the universe is saying. And it's okay. I'm taking the time to pause and reflect and really see how I want to go down these roads and these paths and how these things are turning and how real life and in real time things are being affected, and how I am thinking in real life and adapting in real life. Yeah. I am keeping an eye on myself. Very much so. I think that that's where maybe it's not always understood that I always have an eye to home. I've never been that person that just runs into the wilderness and never knows where they're coming back from. No, I know where I'm going and I know where I'm coming back. I to this day can remember how to get somewhere without a map. You know, I know how to navigate, you know, without a map as much as I can, you know, and you know, it just it's part of me to always know where I'm going and where I've been. And I think having that balance is good. Is it an empowerful tool? No, it's not gonna fix all your problems, but it can definitely be a tool where you can bridge something, it can be a bridge to something. Like, I know where I've been and I know where I'm going, you know, and right now I know where I'm going, but I also know where I've been. But shit's crazy.

SPEAKER_02 47:43

So you gotta pay attention.

SPEAKER_01 47:44

You gotta pay attention because you have to understand you know where you're going. I know what I want my body to look like, I know what I want my money to look like, I know what I want, you know, my love life to look like, I know what I want my life to look like. I'm building my life and not many know this, but you know, to have lose it all and to really rebuild again in the short amount of short amount of time that I have has not been easy. And even in the process of still constructing and building, it's still present in my life. You know, you're tired, you've been going extra hard. But that's because it matters to me that I'm on track to where I was before. Is it a perfectionist thing? I'm so fucking literally, and if it wasn't for my perfection, I wouldn't be as far as I am right now. However, perfection is not everything. No, I understand that too. So those are the humbling moments that I'm learning now as the universe is taking charge. Perfection is not everything. So I'm in my perfection is not everything stage, but trust and believe when this storm is over, I will gather, I will pick myself back up, and then we'll move forward. Not that I'm in a distraught state of mind, guys. I'm not like I'm not one step before the gun. You know, but I'm just you know, it definitely is a wear and tear on me in terms of mentally, yeah, it's a lot, but it's okay. And I think it'll I have it's a building phase, it's a building phase, and I have faith that it's gonna be for the best. I don't know what that is, but I have faith that it will. And maybe it will, maybe it won't. I don't have certainty, but that's kind of exciting to me. To me, that is kind of exciting. Yeah, well, I mean, that's what it's about, you know, and I'm happy for that. So, you know, that's my yeah, my my crystal clear vision. And you know, well, we are to the end of this first El Show.

SPEAKER_02 50:04

It went by so fast, did it though. I feel like I'm just I've been blinky for like a second, too, and bam.

SPEAKER_01 50:14

Well, we know that things are different, and we know that things are moving, and that's great. I'm happy to bring this to you to most of all to you guys, you know, out there. It's definitely been a labor of a lot of love and a lot of understanding of where we sit as human beings. I don't think none of us in this room have not been through some fucking shit. And I don't think that we're ever gonna be the same people. No, every experience is going to be different. Yeah. And that's the beauty of it. That's the beauty of it, though, right? It's like you guys out there who are listening have completely different experiences, but similar, you know, similar strings have been pulled in the same situation.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

Okay, it goes back to the feelings, the emotions.

SPEAKER_01 51:09

Feelings are feelings. We have them. Bringing a safe space so you guys can discuss feelings. Sometimes they're passionate, sometimes they're blah. Sometimes they're annoying. You want to talk about feelings? Go to the playlist. You can find the Love Onyx show playlist on Apple Music coming soon to Spotify and coming soon to YouTube as well. I love constructing these playlists for you guys. Not just for you guys, but listen, literally, I listen to them in the gym. I listen to them in the car. Mars is annoyed.

SPEAKER_02 51:48

I listen to them. He's annoyed with it. They always get me the.

SPEAKER_01 51:51

I I completely overplay them, and it's just because I know it's just a journey that it's if I push play, I'm going on an hour and 40 minute journey. I'm gonna be happy, I'm gonna be sad, I'm gonna be the things. I'm gonna be in love. I'm gonna hate the fool. I'm feeling the feelings, the mind. But no, you know, it's it's definitely one of those things that you just kind of let the wheels go.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:16

You know, I'm keeping you safe though, right? In the in the in the thing of it.

SPEAKER_02 52:20

Like you always bring right back.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

You know, I I put some songs in there to make you feel like we gotcha, girl.

SPEAKER_02 52:25

Yeah, we gotcha. Gotcha, boo-boo. But I mean, if you know me, you know I say boo-boo all the time, and that's a term of endearment. You know, so now I say it for you guys. You know, you got it, boo-boos.

SPEAKER_01 52:38

I want you all to go out there, add the playlist, play it. You know, if you have any suggestions or any songs that you guys want to hear, duh, we want to hear. Instagram love. Follow us there, bl blow our comments up, talk shit, whatever, I don't care. Put them in there. Will we listen to them? Maybe. You know, I like I like to listen to the to the bad ones too.

SPEAKER_02 53:07

All of them, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 53:09

Now, if I start responding, don't get mad. Don't be becoming for me because I'm responding to your shit. But listen, it's it's definitely a space that we're creating. Love Onyx Show is here for you guys. It's uh going to be on Apple Podcast and soon coming to more. But it's a very humble beginning, it's a very humble start, and I'm just so happy for you guys to experience it with us, and I'm very grateful. How do you feel?

SPEAKER_02 53:42

I'm about to cry. I love this moment so much. Wow. Um it's it's been a journey, it's so many ideas, you know, but this is the official start.

SPEAKER_01 53:53

I feel like a proud mom right now giving birth to this baby. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 54:00

Did it hurt?

SPEAKER_01 54:02

No. I said, give me the drugs. If I were to ever have a child, I would never. First of all, if c-section is not possible.

unknown 54:17

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 54:18

Give me the drugs. I don't want to be awake for none of it. I don't want to feel it. I don't want to be awake for none of it. I think the joy of carrying is enough. For me. For me, kudos to the mothers who did it naturally.

SPEAKER_02 54:31

Hell yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:32

Y'all are heroes. Y'all are you are the strongest divas I fucking know. Hands down. Yes. Shout out to the moms as well. We love you, moms. We love you, moms. And then shout out to the dads too. The ones who really be putting in effort, you know who you are. And to the ones that don't, call your kids. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 54:54

Get it the fuck together.

SPEAKER_01 54:58

We love you guys again. We listen and we don't judge. We're laughing, not because we're judging. We're laughing because it's just such a great moment to really just be out here and kind of recording this for everybody. So I'm excited. Yes. You guys love it. We love you. And as always, and as uh what Nerly always would say to you call me when you get home, text me when you get home. I love you.

SPEAKER_02 55:28

Bye. Bye, boo boobs.